It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
