I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I will be naked everywhere
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
