My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
