So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
