so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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