I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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