I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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