His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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