He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
