i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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