I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
