'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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