I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
