when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
did i just pee glitter
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
