Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
