Tell her she can't have a vagina
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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