Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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