why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
