i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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