She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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