WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
