Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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