i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize