so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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