Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You dont lie about slip and slides
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
