I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
