loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
