I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
