he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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