just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
