Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize