Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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