Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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