at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
