Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
