Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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