I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Did I show you my penis last night?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
