Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
