Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
