If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
