so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
