...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
