I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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