sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
