There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
