watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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