"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
