we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
