I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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