He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
