Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
