nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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