I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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