well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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