Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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