Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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