At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
