How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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