He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize