In the future we'll all be gay
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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