yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
