I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
