Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
