I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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