Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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