Me. At least after what I've been through.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
