Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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